May 30, 2004

In searching for treatments for Gastroparesis that I have not yet tried, the two most promising ones I've come across are these: Viagra and Marijuana. I may be extrapolating too much, but I'm going to assume that any of the major human vices would do a pretty fair job of alleviating some or all of my symptoms. Probably stooping for an hour or two a day to shoot craps (hmm) would do a fair bit to strengthen one's stomach muscles. The only trouble is that, doped up on weed and Viagra, I'm not sure I'd be 9 to 5 material. I think if I'm going to do this [I'm not] then I might as well dress the part and wear a 70s pimp hat:

Or, for a slightly classier effect, I could get myself one of those Elizabethan jobs:

Now for a little consciousness raising: if you see a man cakewalking down the boulevard, eyes bloodshot, tossing a pair of dice up and down, pitching a tent, and wearing a pimp hat (Elizabethan or otherwise), don't cross to the other side of the street but walk right up to the poor squire and say, "brother, how's your stomach?"

-Jeremy

	Comments   NAME:   EMAIL:   (optional)   URL:   (optional)   COMMENT:       Enter the colored letters from the image above and click "submit":

Comments